Days with Baby Jake

I never did get around to blogging about Me and We and Baby Jake.

After I finally found out that I wouldn't be looking after Ehren and before we even considered having Merenia home schooled I was in the market for a bit of baby action (and some extra cash for the family coffers is always welcome).
Jake was the 'surprise' last baby of Kieran's last years Rugby team manager. I offered to look after him when his Mum Candice was asking me about childcare- she raised her other babies in South Africa and unfortunately a nice Auckland size mortgage meant that she couldn't stay home to raise Jake.
I feel hugely sorry for mums and babies that don't have the option to be hang out together for those first few years at least. And I am super grateful that we have always managed to have me almost full time at home with the kids when they have been little. Even in those very early days when we just moved in together, Les was an LAC and we were on about $25,000 p/a we managed to only have Kieran looked after by another Mum for about 10 hours a week for about 5 months of his first year... I have absolutely no idea how we did that when I consider how much we currently spend each week!

Anyway I digress, Candice had an accident in the school holidays which meant that her Mum came over to help out so Jake didn't start with us till around the middle of February. On that first day it was hard work because we were just figuring out what Jakes routines were and what needed to be in place for Will as well. Mira's was still settling into her own routine. And Baby Jake was a bit of a novelty for Will who was enamoured with his tiny hair. That afternoon after Les got home I went out and got Will his two lunch boxes. The next day we were prepped and ready.

Jake is a fairly easy going baby and worked on a pretty regular cycle- an hour and half up and an hour down. Of course while he was up he needed changing, feeding, and a bit of cuddling and fun stuff... losing out your mum to an small interloper is hard work for a two year old. Even if the attention getter does have 'tiny hair', as Will would often say....


But Will wasn't the only one that struggled. Les and I both have some pretty firm parenting ideals and I guess some fairly firm standards. I know we can be a bit 'judgy' sometimes but we don't expect others to raise their kids like we do and we both certainly try to never offer unsolicited advice. What I hadn't contemplated was the conflict that comes when you are raising some one else's kid. From day one when I was handed a box of toddler juice and told that they give it to him on really hot days.... um.... oh..... what do I do here?- he's not my baby but it goes against everything I believe in to be feeding any baby juice at 4 months old. Our kids all waitied till 6 months before they got to try anything other than breastmilk and even then fruit juice wasn't on the menu for probably another year after that.

The other thing that was a big deal for me was when Candice said they were teaching him to sit up. I'm pretty sure I've blogged this before... you don't teach babies to sit up (they teach themselves)... and sitting actually comes after crawling on the development continuum which is a bit later down the track than four months old- you can actually do damage to muscles and joints by forcing them to develop out of their natural order. So knowing what to do with this tiny wee body in my care that would meet Candice's expectations, Jake needs and my standard of care was tough. I guess it'd be like being asked to adhere to another religion- you're still practicing devotion and spirituality- but it's not what you believe in. I imagine the only thing harder would be having to watch other people raise your child in a way that in some ways didn't suit you... and I was mindful that Candice could potentially be in just that position.

In the end I sort of came to the conclusion that I wanted to do MY best for Jake and went with doing what I believe is best. And he seemed pretty content with that.

When Jake first came to us Will was still having his afternoon sleep in my lap from around 1-3. Of course that wasn't an option with a baby in the house and Will's bed was also otherwise occupied sometimes as well....

In the end we left Will's sleep till after school many days he would fall asleep in the car on the way to school (not ideal) or not long after we got home. This wouldn't have been workable once Winter sport kicked in.

Some days were very easy and things flowed and we developed new routines that worked and hung out and enjoyed each others company.

Will even warmed to his role as an 'older' child and helped out with Jake....

Which impressed the wee dude quite a lot!

We met new friends and had some good times....

Well mostly good times....

Sort of.

We also have some adventures... which were both logistically challenging and fun....

I never did get around to tackling the super market shopping with my day time crew though, much preferring to hang and relax at home.

The thing is the green eyed monster was large and growing fast.

When Will was good he was very, very good.

And cute and loving as well.

But some days he just needed it to be ALL about him and Jake got a little sidelined.

And there was the problem that you couldn't leave them alone together for fear that Will may try to post Jake off to the back of beyond. Or just cuddle him a little too hard. Or smother him with a pillow. Or sit on his chest. Or head butt him (that one was an accident). Or pick him up (not achieved fortunately).

When Will was bad his was very very bad.

And some days he would just get in Jakes space.

And steal his stuff.

Which is enough to send any wee dude to consult his mates and consider his options.

And while this face is one of the sweetest ever to look at each day.

It was another face that broke this camels back. We were sitting in the kitchen one lunchtime. Will had his lunch box and was sitting to my right and I was feeding Jake baby rice on my left.

Will looked at me.

Will looked at Jake.

The cogs of his brain clicked into place.

He realised what it all meant.

His face crumpled.

And he burst into tears.

And my heart broke.

Obviously if Jake was our baby we wouldn't have been able to send him back- but if he was our family then we would have a vested interested in him and we'd be gaining way more in having a sweet wee brother and son than in our lives than we'd be losing in the midst of sibling rivalry.

But at the end of the day Jake went home to his own family and all we really gained was a bit of cash which wasn't worth the trade off in time with our own kids lost and a lot of frustration for Will. So we put our own family first (and Jakes safety) and asked Candice to find someone else to look after Jake.

In the end we had four short weeks together and I think we had found a sort of comfy place by the end of it- Will had mellowed (somewhat) and we really were sad to see Jake go.

We took last photos.

And kissed goodbye.

♥