The Chimpanzee, the lamb and everything else

Do you know the puzzle with the wolf, the goat and the cabbage? You know the one where you have to get all three across a river but can only carry one in your boat at any one time. If you leave the goat and the cabbage together the goat pigs out and if you leave the wolf and the goat together then you don't have a goat any more.

That's my life at the moment.

Except I don't have goat I have a sweet precious wee lamb whom I am very enamoured with. He's soft and gorgeous, has "tiny hair", is a bit of a cruiser and likes to sleep ok. He goes by the name of Baby Jake. (To distinguish him from big boy Jake).
I also don't have a wolf I have a cheeky juvenile chimpanzee who likes to use the lambs head as bongo drums if possible. Is full of energy (when he's not sick- then he's full of woe) and sees sleeping as an activity to do on me in the hottest part of the day.
And the cabbage, well that's anything in the house we can't keep out of Will's reach or that we haven't yet realised that Will has the ability to make trouble with.

Yesterday I had to put the washing out.
You can't trust the boy outside on his own because of the paddling pool.
You can't trust the boy inside with the baby because of the whole bongo thing.
So you take the baby outside and set him up on a blanket in the shade.
Return for the washing passing the boy on the way.
Race out with the washing.
Check that the boy hasn't made it to the baby.
Check that the baby hasn't wriggled too far and is not grasping a noxious weed to his sweet wee rosebud lips.
Check that the boy isn't on his way to the pool.
Hang washing monitoring movement.
The baby can't last as long as it takes to hang a load and is ready to be picked up and go inside.
The boy can last about 5 times as long as it takes to hang the washing and is most peeved at cutting his outside time short.
Deposit baby on play mat to get essential baby supplies.
Boy stands perilously close.
Boy contemplates repertoire of trouble.....

"Hmmmmm... what to do???"

• Pull down bars from across the change mat- freak out baby.
• Bongo's- hurt the baby.
• Smother with pillow- surprise the baby- but also provide him with something to suck on.
• Steal the baby's dummy and suck it- upset the baby and make the mummy grumpy.
• Shove toy baby bottle in baby's mouth- shock the baby.

Ahhhh all of these been done before.

Let's try attempted sitting on the baby's chest.
Retrieved by mummy. Baby unscathed.

Mummy needs the loo.
Baby safely shut in the lounge.
The boy in the hallway outside loo.

Crying.

Mummy opens the door.

Boy joins mummy.

Mummy wipes nose, chin and cheeks of formally distraught and now quite snotty boy.

"Need Tampons?" Says boy.

Mummy rues boy's excellent language skills and brilliant memory.

And regrets own forthrightness while previously answering questions.

♥