Exclude or Include? Questions about friends

I've been thinking a bit recently about friends. I have two friends who have recently got back in touch with me- one I am yet to really catch up with and the other has been emailing me various items of crap and generally offending me ever since she started emailing me- I am about to cut her loose as I believe the years have changed us both and we have gone in completely different directions and have very different life views... which is funny considering we are both;

• teachers
• mothers to similarly aged children
• married
• enjoy gardening
• love reading
  
• from Otago and
  
• creative.
  

I have another friend who I ignore when she appears on Skype when I am on the computer despite the fact we have not spoken in some time- I owe her email and mail and she is one of the most fabulous beautiful creatures I have ever known- I have said since she was 9 that she is one of the people I admire most in this world- 15 years on it's still true. So why do I treat her so?

Some people have friends that they have known literally since they were in nappies and are still in regular contact with 30-50 years down the track. Neither Les nor I have retained any of the friends that we made at school. While I have had contact with a few of them via Old Friends with one exception (a more recent contact) we haven't remained in touch. Mostly we have simply just drifted back apart. I suspect that has been generally down to my lack of return email, mostly because I think it's now a different place and time and we just don't match like we used to.

It's interesting to me that both Les and I are in the same situation. I was thinking about our different upbringings today... Les Mum keep's in touch with everyone almost to the point of insanity... "You know the Colsons?"... (Don't worry that's a private joke). Perhaps her approach put Les off... maybe it's an escaping the small town syndrome thing- maybe his friends were actually jerks, I don't know.

My situation is somewhat different. My (actual) mother left school as an unmarried pregnant 15 year old I can't see that as a situation where you'd be keeping in touch and she didn't. My dad on the other hand does have a number of friends that he has known forever... I'm not sure where the original connection came from. So I had role models from both camps. When I left school I had a boyfriend who did not really have the same group of friends as I and in the end I went where he went and his friends became mine till we broke up rather acrimoniously and I left town a year later for the other end of the country. I never really developed friends in University and of those people I have called friends since my move north most are now simply the people on my Christmas card list- which numbers around 100- most of whom my Christmas Card is the only contact I have with them each year.

On the weekend I caught up with Sally who I met through PTA and the fact our boys (and girls) are friends... we see each other probably once per term. We grudgingly accept that this is simply the way that it is- we're busy people. And a lot of my 'friendships' are like that either in person or via email.

I find all of this fascinating. Because if you are or have ever been one of my friends- unless we parted for "good" reason- then you will probably know that you could call me right now and tell me your trouble and would give 100% to help you during your time of need- I'd go above and beyond- because that's the sort of friend I am.

So is it that...

• I am simply crap at keeping in touch?
• I don't prioritise my friends appropriately?
• My friendships were never that strong in the first place?
• I don't value my friendships?
• Many of the people I have been friends with in the past have often been in a different life stage than me and so we didn't really gel?
  
• Some other deep psychological reason that I am unaware of?
  

I wonder if I will ever have a strong core group of friends the sort of people that we'd have around for BBQ's and parties (I don't think I have had a party since my thirteenth- I don't really have any real friends to invite)? The nature of Les' work means that at some point we will probably have to move south and that means that any connections that we have delveloped will for most intents and purposes be lost and we will need to start again.

OK so if you are someone who considers themselves a friend of mine you are now probably thinking WTF? But honestly- Is it usual for us to catch-up? How often do we catch-up? Do you spend really any time at my place hanging out with me and my family? Have you ever met any of my other friends? Would you even know their names if it wasn't for this blog? (Kieley you are probably the single exception here).

There's lots of questions here... I don't have the answers.

If you are or have been one of my friends I am grateful for that.

♥