Sunday, February 17, 2013

Story Chapter 7 - Fault lines

(Source Unknown)

So I'm not big on God. I mean to each his own and all, but God is not one of my own. But this quote suits the week preceding this chapter perfectly. It will probably be written in our life story as one of the two hardest weeks in our lives. And what comes of the week just past and our choice of action/reaction/inaction will be completely life changing. If we make the wrong moves and the wrong choices or no move at all the consequences could be dire. If we make the right moves and only small mistakes along the way the consequences could be positively phenomenal. And of course as always it seems it comes down to hard work.

There are so many questions as well. Many of which will never be answered. Why? For me not knowing the answer is dangerous. When you don't know you tend to hypothesise. And when you hypothesise often times your ideas aren't positive. When something truly crappy happens you ask yourself what did I do? What didn't I do? What could I have done? Could I have prevented it?

Is it my fault?

To be honest I've come to the conclusion a large part of the burden of responsibility is mine. And I'm learning so much more about myself and others as I figure out the reasons why.

Have you ever inadvertently done something completely awful? Something you'd never in a million years imagine that'd you'd do and would never ever ever intend to do but you did it.

I'll give a you a small real life example. This one time I observed the lady who worked at my local four square over a number of months. And eventually I became certain that what I believed was true and so I happily asked: "When is your baby due?"
To which she of course replied: "I'm not pregnant."
In that moment a well meant inquiry with the intention of congratulations and celebrations flipped into a hugely offensive remark that had the potential to make the recipient feel awful. And me feel like the worlds biggest arsehole. I truly hoped a hole would open in the in the floor of the Four Square and send me down to the fires of hell because it was the least I deserved.

A bigger hypothetical example: you find this great thing that you love to do and you get your best friend or partner to do it  too because you think it's the coolest thing ever and so you know because you love them- then they'll obviously love it too. And they do it and you enjoy yourself and every thing is great. Until. Until you find out they NEVER wanted to do that stuff. And they were just doing it because it was you and they love you and so they want to make you happy. And while you might think on one hand it's lovely that they did the thing, even though didn't want to, just for you. On the other hand you feel like a complete prick for essentially 'pushing' someone you love into doing something they never wanted to do. Here you were thinking everything was all good and you were having fun not even aware that you were in fact making someone very important unhappy.

That's me right now. Only it's much bigger. And it affects way more than just the lady at the four square.

But here's the thing: Now I know I have the option to change and grow and improve. I have some powerful knowledge to work with where before all I had was ignorance. It's not going to be easy. But it will be worth it.



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