Right Now

Right now I am:

~ looking at joining a Gym... I'm worried it'll ruin my street cred.
~ loving the idea that I have any street cred.
~ thankful that I am on an upswing in a depressive cycle.
~ inspired to swim as much as possible.
~ savouring the water that is abundant just now.
~ reading Bird by Bird: Some instructions on writing and life by Anne Lamott. It's good, but I am ready for it to be done.
~ enjoying a little breathing space.
~ feeling okay for now.
~ counting kilograms.
~ tasting Pork chops.
~ wondering about self-esteem and other such psychological stuff.
~ making scrapbook pages as per usual.
~ wishing that it was a year from now.
~ hoping.
~ glad to have finally started scanning the photos for the long promised book.
~ listening to Elbow, The Birds;

The birds are the keepers of our secret as they saw us where we lay
In the deepest grass of springtime in a reckless guilty haze
And they wove a sweet indifference and it settled on our skin
Till the eyes that I remembered for the last time drew me in

The birds

Though I wore you glacial patience to a smudge of bitter dust
On the last day you embraced me with a glistening sapling trust
Did they sing a million blessings as they watched us slowly part
Do they keep those final kisses in their tiny racing hearts

What are we gonna do with you
Same tale every time
What are we gonna do with you
Come on inside
Looking back is for the birds



~ relieved that I have almost ticked everything off my list for the week.
~ seeing mess.
~ dreaming, always, everyday... absurdly.
~ thinking about telling truths, being brave, and chickening out.
~ in awe of how bad things got when I wasn't looking.
~ anticipating tomorrow's coffee and swim.
~ going to bed soon. The pool in the morning. Counselling in the afternoon.
~ grateful for James. Always.