I have a wonderful life.
I have an excellent husband.
Four amazing children.
The opportunity to stay at home and raise them the way we want to.
A lovely place to call home.
We have enough money.
I have good friends.
I have family.
I have a bunch of possessions that make my life enjoyable, easier and beautiful.
I have a passion and the resources to enjoy it.
I live in a safe place, that is beautiful and has many places that I am yet to explore and enjoy.
I am a part of a few good communities.
I have time.
For the most part, day-to-day, I am living the life I want.
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That said, from a broader perspective I'm not all that happy.
I feel like we are not headed anywhere.
I have long term goals that I have made no headway on and in some cases seem to be going backward.
There are larger issues about the way my life has shaped who I am, and how I am, that I feel like I am continually grappling with- but just want to be able to put to rest.
I don't feel in control of my life so much as just managing it.
There's so much more I want for my family.
I feel like there's so much we squander: money, opportunity and most importantly time.
I feel like there are still significant changes to be made to establish once and for all our family identity. So that when I say 'We are Stockleys'- that my children know exactly what that means to Les and I and to them. That we are an 'institution' with integrity, reliability, safety and unconditional love. That it is something that they can truly value. That our family- no matter where it's based, or constructed will always be a safe and enjoyable place to 'come home to'.
The saying the days are long, but the years are short is so very true and I want to make sure that what I perceive as weak links in our family bond are strengthened. I want to be sure that as our kids get older and leave- (which isn't so far away in the case of the older two) that they feel that they know that what we are as a family is solid. And will always be a safe and familiar haven for them. I want their family to be one of the best parts of their story.
I can feel the time to make that so slipping out of my fingers. I can feel it getting whittled away with wiping noses, and bum and benches. With school runs and shopping trips. With internet and screen time. With the day to day stuff that makes me so happy... it's a paradox that I am desperate to resolve because it's so very important- it's the absolute top of my list.
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