And that goes double for hurt.
I am sorry that your very beginning has left you with the feeling that you were a mistake from the start. That you know that while you were loved you were never intended. And that there were some in your life who sought to have you removed.
I am sorry for the times you were hurt and I made fun of you.
I am sorry for making jokes about your developing body.
I am sorry I jumped out of that bush by the dental school not long after the incident with the creepy guy.
I am sorry that you saw me be manipulative and cruel to people that you care about.
I am sorry that I made you choose.
I am sorry that I didn't have the ability to see it was possible for you to be you and still be in my life.
I am sorry that you felt that you weren't loved enough to be kept.
I am sorry that I made you doubt your other family relationships with my lies.
I am sorry I didn't let you take your stuff.
I am sorry that I lied about you to others in our circle of family and friends.
I am sorry that I could never get my shit together.
I am sorry that I rejected you all over again and was incredibly cruel in the process.
I am sorry that I will never be able to admit to much of this.
I am sorry that I expected you to act like a grown up when you were still a child.
I am sorry that I didn't act like a parent should.
I am sorry that there was no one there to really support you when you needed it.
I am sorry for the way my actions affected all the relationships you have had with females from that point on.
I am sorry that I was just plain a bitch sometimes.
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I am sorry that I wasn't at a point in my life that I could cope with adding a teenager to my family.
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I am sorry that that happened to you. It wasn't your fault then and it has never been your fault that it continued.
I am sorry that I didn't support you the way you needed it then.
I am sorry that I am unable to support you the way you need it now because I have moved on.
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We are sorry that we didn't support you then, and criticised the actions you took to protect yourself- we didn't realise how hurt you were. We put our own agenda and idea of how we thought things should be ahead of how you were feeling.
We are sorry we didn't believe you.
We are sorry for the times we shared your personal information even though you asked us not to and it wasn't ours to share. We didn't know it made you feel threatened.
We are sorry that our actions compounded the effect that she had on your relationships with women.
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I am sorry that I didn't tell you what I wanted.
I am sorry that I didn't tell you I was unhappy.
I am sorry that I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt.
I am sorry for being so angry with you I should have known you wouldn't intend to hurt me.
I am sorry that I hurt you too.
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I am sorry I told you I resented your hobby, that wasn't fair.
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Those are the apologies I never got.
Now to see if trying to accept them makes life easier.
And then at some point I need to write the ones I never gave.
And then at some point I need to write the ones I never gave.
