The one about weight

Do you see her? I don't. Seriously. I always get a bit of a surprise when I see myself in a mirror, full length is especially shocking. My mental picture of myself stopped gaining weight back here....

Funnily enough my mental picture of myself is not nearly as short as reality either. Although I think something happens to short people when they get fatter I think their wideness makes them appear shorter... like the way side mirrors on cars say... object may be closer then they appear- 'wide people may be taller than they appear'. Or it's got something to do with the person I consider myself at my heart of hearts- which I am 100% certain is not how the people I know consider me, (Jim I think you get an exception) especially the Perth peeps who have only ever known this me. There's that whole perception of fat people and stay at home mums... and fat stay at home mums.... well, they may as well just give up right? I read an article recently about a lady who lost a heap of weight and she was really pissed- because she realised just how much people had ignored her when she was fat. All the people at the same stores she had always shopped willingly offered her way more service when she was a skinny person than they had when she was a person who was fat.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us and when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.

I could do with some miracles about now because what lies within me is not a small matter in fact it's about 50kg worth of matter.

I tossed up about whether to name numbers on here. My line of thinking for a while now is that the numbers are so big it's just embarrassing and tragic. And then something changed my mind... and now I can't remember what that is.

I started the year at 107kg. It's my biggest ever non pregnant weight... maybe biggest ever fullstop. I was solid at 100 for about 3 years after Tama was born and then all of a sudden in the middle of last year I put on 7kg just like that within the space of about 2 months. It may be but I'm not sure when I started the iced coffee again after kicking that particular habit for a while. Dunno, don't care- there it is for what ever reason.

When I got my fitbit back in June I upped my exercise levels to make sure I was getting my 10K each day... it didn't make any difference at all.

I quit lollies and most sugar a few months before Christmas. I still eat fruit, a teeny bit of cordial in my water, and the iced coffees. I had my fave chocolates for new years and valentines as well. And then there was the fizzy and cheesecake at Valentines. And lately Hot Cross buns. And, and, and.... all these little 'special' exceptions. Ha. But overall I had definitely cut back the sugar before Christmas. And it wasn't making any difference either.

Isn't it great to know that you cannot control your world from the outside? To try and control things on the outside feels impossible because it would take so much work, and in fact it is impossible according to the law of attraction. To change your world all you have to do is manage your thoughts and feelings on the inside of you, and then your whole world changes.

I was surfing the internet the other month (as I do) and happened to notice that one of the trending stories on Facebook was about former Australian Idol Winner Kate DeAraugo and her awesome 66kg weight loss, over half her size. I look at that and on the face of it I think "Wow, if she can then I guess I can." Except that she had a gastric bypass. And for a whole bunch of reasons (wait list times, major surgery, it's really hard to do and has long term side effects, and not conducive to also raising four kids) that's not an option for me- so I started to think maybe it's not actually do-able?

And then there's  C'mon Rach  who is freaking amazing. And Derek and Telaine- holy cow...

So then I did a lot of reading around the place and I started to mess around with stuff.... and more recently I haven't really been eating any carbs that aren't fruit and veg (and my ever present iced coffee). I've been eating lots of  eggs, meat, spinach, cream cheese, coconut cream and avocado. And I upped my water intake seriously. Well at least I did and then I got sick of cooking eggs and then I was busy some days and then I didn't do the shopping with me in mind and then I went to an event that had sandwiches and chocolate and so on and so forth. And holy cow... the amount of times you have to go to the loo and do a wee.

While I was doing it I have to say I felt pretty good. And a lot of things I took for normal went away and I realised they aren't normal and it's much nicer without them. Things like farting, pms, mood swings, and brain fuzz. But as I said I back slid and I learned fairly quickly that my body much preferred the changes and took the change back under extreme protest and now it lets me know when I am dehydrated and when I've eaten grains and so forth- and it's way more uncomfortable than when I was taking all those symptoms for-granted.

So where to from here? I'm making a proper plan- a menu plan and I'm setting a date to give up my precious iced coffee the last brick in the wall of my crap diet and then hopefully I'll start to see some changes... and I can buy my new winter jeans a size or two smaller than last years... hopefully.

If you want to check out some of my resources here you go:

https://www.pinterest.com/gypsyst/lchf/
https://www.pinterest.com/gypsyst/ya-egg/
https://www.pinterest.com/gypsyst/healthy-kids/
https://www.facebook.com/ChristineCronau/timeline
Healthful Pursuit on You Tube
Healthful Pursuit Blog
http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/blog/
http://authoritynutrition.com/
http://www.edify.net.au/food_pyramid.php
http://www.ibreatheimhungry.com/
http://lowcarbediem.com/
https://www.facebook.com/buttermakesyourpantsfalloff/timeline
https://lowcarbrn.wordpress.com/ 
https://www.facebook.com/TheLowCarbRN/timeline 
https://www.facebook.com/LowCarbIsland/timeline
https://www.facebook.com/mybigfatlowcarblife/timeline
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cmon-Rach/1434801740105133?sk=timeline 
http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/blog/
https://www.facebook.com/thatsugarfilm/timeline
https://www.facebook.com/paleochefpeteevans/timeline
https://www.facebook.com/carynzinndietitian/timeline

♥