Story Chapter 43- Being surrounded

 

I'm writing retrospectively, again. (I'm almost caught up). And today I had a 'day off'. In factthe kids were at school and  Les had a day off and he took Tama out from 8:10 till about 3:30pm. It was just what I needed. Desperately needed. For some reason going from 3 kids to 4 kids in a whole new country has been quite overwhelming at times. In part I think it's because I have returned to the days of a constant companion- whereas Will had been at Kindy for 8 months before we left.

Part of it relates to our home and the fact that most of the spaces are shared- even the master bedroom has had at times up to four people sleeping in there. The kitchen, dining, lounge and playroon are all one. The scrapbooking room is shared with the main computer. 

Part of it relates to the fact there's no respite. There's no Starbucks, or Scrapcamp, no Brown's Bay and no friend's places for 3/4 kids. We're mostly all here all the time. And it's draining.

 

The best part of my day is when Tama has his afternoon sleep and I have around 50 minutes of time- a small window in which to be alone, not free, but at least alone and quiet. I'm not exhausted as I am when I'm alone at midnight and there's no fall out like there is when I stay up too late. It's a real challenge to decide if I should take advantage of the lack of a 'helper' and rush around getting things done. Or if I should just enjoy the time and be me. 

Unfortunately the best part of the day sets me up for the worst. The stark contrast between the early afternoon and the late afternoon is something I find quite shocking. From peace to an onslaught of noise, stories, requests, trouble, crying, demands and so forth leaves me ready to lock myself in the bathroom and pretend the rest of the family don't exist. I would rather have school holidays for a week than a week of 'after schools'.

It's exhausting to be constantly surrounded by the people in my family no matter how much I love having them. I think it would be ok if I could refill my tank by leaving the house- but that's not me. My home is my place in the world and most places outside my home don't refill my tank- in fact they are more likely to drain it.

I'm aware that this will change over time. Tama and Will are getting older. Kieran will leave home in two short years. And we will develop more friends and find more havens outside of home. But right now it's just full-on- and that's ok. Just so long as I get a day off every so often and time to hear myself think.

♥